It Starts and Ends With You

 

“Do you know where the power lies, and who pulls the strings?  It starts and ends with you,” sings Tim Armstrong of Rancid in “The 11^th Hour.”  I have trouble with this, as some of you might, too.  I perfectly understand what Tim is saying.  A teacher in college, who I didn’t particularly like, said something in class that made complete sense.  He basically stated a comparable sentence to my opening line.  He said, at some point-usually when children become adults, around the age of 21-you are responsible for every choice you make from then on.  At some point, Mom and Dad, friends, co-workers, are no longer your excuses.  Be who you are, own up to the good and the bad that happens.  No regrets.

So stop saying, “Mom taught me this.”  I’m sure she did.  “It’s my girlfriend’s fault; she blah, blah, blah.”  Maybe she did start it, but, reaching adulthood means you have YOUR OWN brain.  You know right and wrong, good and bad, beautiful and ugly.  Now, I feel those who’ve influenced you molded your first thought about, whatever.

However, you have choices.  There is always a choice, even if it is unclear or sucky.

So having this knowledge, why do I struggle, why do I have depression?  Can’t I just say, “I’m my own, wonderful, crazy person, and your hate towards me makes you less of a person, not me?”  Yeah.  Some days, I’m on top of the world, and nobody can stop me.  That’s how I, and you, should be every day.  But…

But, if you’re like me, you’ve had many, many negative influences, dragging you down as a kid.  So now you’re older, you do know where the power lies, but there’s that other voice, or voices, in your head that you need to silence before you can be you.  I promise; it can be done.

I’m different-we all are-but also I’m different in the minority kind of way.  I do not go with the flow.  If I see wrong, I speak up.  I feel like people around me think it’s good-until they comprehend I’m serious.

I’m brutally honest, and it isn’t throwing somebody under the bus if A) it’s true, and B) I’m not going out to attack.  Some of the most negative people in my life are actually members of my family.  I thought, though Jason is also disabled, his family was more positive towards his life, and therefore mine.

Nope.

I still hear, “You can’t, you can’t, you can’t.”  So, while trying to wade through the pool of what is good for me, I also have to sift through people’s inept judgements.  Here is what recently happened.  Mind you, this is a recurring topic for this person.

Everybody who knows me knows I want kids.  Well, soon, I’ll be 44, so time is running out.  This person repeatedly professes, however, I should not have children.  The reason is not that I am getting older, and it might be dangerous.  The reason is that I am disabled, and as a disabled person-much less a disabled couple-it (direct quote) “is FACT that I (or we) can’t care for a baby.”  How ignorant and hateful is that for somebody to walk into my house and say?

Guys, I’m not kidding myself; I perfectly know an infant, a toddler, a child, a teen is not a walk in the park.  But the real fact here is ANY first-time parent(s) need help.  They have questions, they need babysitters.  The other fact is this same person will travel hours, pretty much on a whim, to assist with the grandchildren they do have-and the parents of those kids are not disabled.  Clearly, everybody can use a hand, yet I’m the one told not to have kids.  Okay.  That person should, instead, spend their time saving infants in the back seat of a stuffy car in summer, or teach proper pool safety or something, but whatever.

Whether I do/don’t have kids, get more tattoos or stop at my existing 20, go skydiving, whatever it might be, it’ll be MY decision.  Maybe I’m getting up there in age, maybe this, maybe that, but it won’t be because of some hypocrite making my decisions.  Guys, this is how you should live.  I always say (and if you’re not religious, that’s fine) “If you’re trying to do right by God and yourself, and you’re not trying to hurt anybody, then don’t give a flying fuck what other think or say.”

Just know you’re not alone.

To Abort or Not to Abort

So, everybody has a view about this topic.  Am I nervous to state mine?  Honestly, yeah; a little, but… Actually, it is why I was booted out of Mable Syndrome family.  I was so happy to be writing blogs, especially since they’d be seen by a great, number of people.  However, I only had a chance to get one posted before…

A couple months ago, I’d shared a post on my fb page.  A post about abortion.  An advocate of MS, who, appearances would suggest, hardly viewed my page, saw that post and asked me an odd question.  Prior to her question, I messaged her, asking if she was ready for my 2^nd blog.  Her reply, not a direct answer to my query, but I already knew the outcome, was that she saw such-and-such post on my wall, and could I explain it?

I thought, What is there to explain?  Knowing if one doesn’t stand for something, he/she will fall for anything, I took a breath and proudly typed, “I am Pro-Life all the way.”

Yep, this Punkstar is not for abortion.

So, basically, though I’m an excellent writer, I was instantly canned.

There are many arguments, big, small, around this crisis.  I’m not here to judge, though it might seem otherwise once I expound.  I tried to think of how to write this, but I’ll just straight-forwardly say I refuse to stand for murdering innocent, defenseless people, much less infants.

Though not yet outside the womb, a fetus is a living being, completely helpless and dependent on you, completely unaware, innocent of any wrong doing.  There is a heartbeat, a developing brain, they will grow what you already have.

I get it, some of you are saying, “Joey, you’re such a bitch.  What about a rape victim who ends up pregnant?  What about the babies who will be born severely disabled?  They won’t have a life anyway.  What about my teenaged daughter, whose boyfriend left when he found out she was pregnant?  You’re heartless.”  No victim of rape ever deserved that.  I truly am sorry for those cases or cases that involve foul play.  However, it might interest, or surprise, you to know that less than 5% of forced intercourse, revealing a positive pregnancy test, result in getting an abortion.

And, though doctors went to school for a very long time to be great at what they do, no doctor can definitively tell you your disabled child will have no good quality of life.  Although my disability arose when I was 4 months old-not from birth-doctors told my parents I’d be braindead.  Clearly, they were wrong.

Yes, “oops babies” happen frequently.  He forgot to put on the condom, she did properly take birth-control; there are many instances where people tried Not to have a baby, but their plan failed.  Aside from the inevitable but true statement, “There are so many parents who can’t have kids-give the baby to them,” there are a lot of reasons not to abort.  Shows, movies, today, will sometimes put an unplanned pregnancy into the plot.  But, sadly, the message is usually, if the woman chooses to abort, they can simply take a couple pills, maybe cramp or feel ill for a few days, but then they can continue their life.

Presto; no baby, no worry.

Messages like that are miss-leading, ignorant, and ludicrous.  But they’re popular, because nobody wants to be called a murderer.  I thought about this today-some of the abortion techniques-and realized inmates who are going to be executed have a more comfortable death than a baby being aborted.  Serial killers, rapists, hard criminals aren’t killed by dismemberment, suction aspiration, or other harsh ways.

Being Punk means going against the grain, not conforming to government authority, not becoming part of the masses without brains-sticking it to the man-yes, but punks achieve that through strong-mindedness and inclusion-unity.  How does killing children fit into that idea?  Every being has a right to life, so I’m glad Roe Vs. Wade is being rethought.  As the saying goes, “Destroy power, not people.”

Punx Unite

A Marvelous Rant

 Hey guys.  So, just when I think things’re calming, and I can get back to a steady flow of writing, bam.  Life happens.  I’ll tell you about that one later; I’d been sitting on another thought for a while.  In the interest of strong, yet, underrated women-one of the Punk stars I look up to-I want to talk about Miss Jubilation Lee.  Yep, Jubilee of Marvel's X-Men.

So, Jubilee, mutant who can generate pyrotechnic energy plasmoids from her hands.  She has referred to these blasts as "fireworks".  The plasmoids obeyed her mental control, traveling where she directed them, arranging themselves in various shapes, and exploding when she wished (yes, I copied that).  It is in the past tense, because she can no longer do that; during the course of the comics, she was turned into a vampire.

Another power she had, well, ability, was to repel telepathic influences, even the most powerful one from Prof. Charles Xavier.  What, somebody who is unaffected by one of the strongest mutants?  Why is this information unknown to most?  Because it was phased out.  Much like Jubilee, herself.  Sadly, she is uncannily underrated (see what I did there)

Fan favorite, my favorite, every instance of her puts her at a different age.  The 90’s cartoon series introduced her as being fifteen years old, whereas the comic started her at 13, I think.  If she is lucky enough to be in a movie, she is a different age.  Admittedly, I don’t read the comics.  I fell in love with the cartoon, where she is a main character.  There, you see her punk personality, her genuine nature, her determination-her awesomeness.  Obviously, I’m drawn to the spirit of punk.

However, fans don’t really get to know who Jubilee is, watching her on the big screen.  Hearing she’ll be in an X-Men movie, I become ecstatic, only to be repeatedly let down by the boring, teenaged dialogue they give her, the lack of appearance in critical scenes or being knocked out or trapped, and the dull imagery of her, either not getting to use her powers, or the use of her skill to do something lame like blow up an arcade machine.  That is practically all they let her do, and it makes me mad.  I want to see her depth; she should be remembered, not lost.

We can debate why this is, but I really don’t know the answers.  Same but different, in the movie Pokemon: Detective Pikachu, Psyduck is a star.  Are you kidding me?  Psyduck is most looked over but my favorite Pokemon.  He finally got to shine, but poor Miss Lee is still in the background.  I don’t get it.  Punkx Unite, right.

That’s my rant.  What do you say?  I’m sure I forgot to mention a point or two, so let me hear your questions, your comments.

How Have You Been?

Hi guys (remember, NYer here, haha).  So, let's see; it's 2022, and I haven't posted an update in...how long?  I've had some pretty terrible things happen.  I want to start with a really awesome thing first; I don't believe I've mentioned it.  Nothing this cool occurred in a long time before this, and nothing this cool since...

December 15, 2018 Gas Monkey Bar N' Grill, Dallas, TX

Stabbing Westward reunited!  They’d been on tours for, I think, a year and a half.  We missed a show March 2017, Houston, I think.  So, in September-when I heard about this one-my mind was already made.  We had to go.  Jason’s caregiver went with us to Odessa, so, when he told her about this, she was like, “Oh, those guys we saw in Odessa?”  LOL.  She was on board, but driving to Dallas is kind of a task, since I don’t live there now, so I tried finding a friend or caregiver of mine to go.  Several people said yes, then no, so it was frustrating.  Finally, I found somebody who said she’d go and didn’t change her mind.  I was so happy.

But it turned out she just wanted an excuse to get drunk and cheat on her bf; damn.  Jason’s helper did almost everything for him and me L

So, starting in October, I asked family and friends if they wanted to meet for lunch, since I’m hardly in Dallas anymore.  I was sad that, of everybody I asked, only one person, a sister I hadn’t seen in 20 years, met us, but I was so happy she came!

Okay, I bet you’re wondering when this segment’s gonna get good.  In case you didn’t know, it was the Darkest Days 20^th anniversary tour, so, guess what, I wore that white DD T-shirt.  Yes, the one I (might have) hit Christopher Hall with twenty years ago, lol.  We had no idea the concert was held outside.  I don’t know, maybe the night’s low was 40 degrees.  I was fucking freezing, but I had to show everybody my shirt, even after the first band played, and Jason bought me a hoodie and put his on, I just held mine.

We watched the second band-most of it, but we went back to the merch table to see if any member of SW was there.  I was on a mission; I brought Little Debbie provisions for them, but also…

Who knows I’m an author?  Well, I am.  I hope a good one.  I’d thought to bring a signed copy of my novel and give it to Chris-after all, I have so many meaningful things he’s signed for me.  Of course I wrote a little something, too.  Everybody gets their own personal message.

(BTW, how are you liking the SW song title puns?  Have you noticed them?)

So, sparing random details, Christopher stood at the table, but I faced a different direction, talking to Jason.  He looked over and said, “There’s Chris.”  I think I did a double-take.  But Jason persisted, “Go over there.”  (Can you tell I’m a writer, lol.)

I walked the whole, what, six feet but stood there like a weirdo.  I urged myself, Joey, cut it out and say hi.  He was talking to somebody, but who wouldn’t notice a weirdo just standing still and eyeing you, right, so he came over, said hi, and I got a hug.  He asked if I wanted to get a picture.  Say yes, crazy lady, I was thinking.  I said yes, and he got some guy to take a few.  I forgot if he got one with Jason first, or if I gave him my stuff first.  However, when I did, I was so nervous!  Why?  I said I had stuff in a bag behind my chair for him.  He seemed to like the treats.  Then, I told him I wrote that book and signed it for him, since I have tons of signed stuff from him.  I said I heard that he likes fantasy stories, so I hope he likes mine, but “you can tell me if you don’t.”  LOL, I hope he likes it.  (Hey-much later-my mind just wandered back there.  I’m not purposely adding stuff that simply wasn’t there, but I think he said I look beautiful.  I love when men do that.)

I can’t remember what happened next, but, oh, Christopher signed my awesome, old shirt.  I think they were about to go on, so we wedged our way as close as possible.  There were two guys in front of me, and Jason sat behind me.  The dudes didn’t want to move, but I told myself to just calm down-Chris obviously knew I was there.

But I was worried-what if I couldn’t see through those guys?

No problem.

The band took their places, and Chris spotted me, just behind the dudes.  I was happy he already found me, but…

But right before they started playing, sweet Christopher took the mic and said, “Everybody, take care of Joey!”  Nobody could know how important he made me feel!  When somebody goes to see SW, the band makes it seem like they came to see us, but I felt so special, so, insanely happy!  Then, a few seconds later, they started “Darkest Days.”

A super awesome lady behind me offered to take pics and stuff using my camera; she saw I couldn’t get a good angle.  She asked if I was the person Chris referred to.  I was ecstatic to say yes.

Every now and then, Chris crouched or turned or something to see me through those dudes-I thought that was so awesome.  (And-Oct 2019-I have the video somebody put on youtube to prove it.)  But, you know what?  I don’t know how to say this-what emotion is strong enough.  I’ve never been to a concert where everybody sings every word of every song.  It was insane!  Amazing!  I know that isn’t enough, but I can’t think of another word right now.  We were all rocking out; all united.  I’m sure that also made SW feel important and loved.  I was beyond happy to be there!

Sometimes, the things other people think are small are so meaningful and gigantic to me.  Afterwards, we hung out.  I got to meet Walter!  LOL, finally, right?  He’s so awesome and nice, and I told him I went to the show twenty years ago <3  We met Bobby again.  We first met him in 2004, when Orgy came to Odessa.  Come to think of it, it was also a cold night.  We met the members of Orgy, and I got a hug from Jay and Bobby.  Bobby said, “You look absolutely frozen.  If I had a jacket, I’d give it to you.”

LOL, do I have a thing for freezing to near death at great concerts or something?

Anyway, we got a pic with Walter and Bobby-I think Marcus took it, which is sad he wasn’t in it.  Then we wandered to the front of the stage.  Christopher was cleaning up stuff but took a break to say hi again.  AND, J and I realized we forgot something important.  We brought something else for him.  Hehe, I got another hug, btw, and we gave him one of our Two Feet Below shirts (we hoped the size we had on hand would fit him).

If you’re unfamiliar, Two Feet Below is our venture.  We started it in 2018, writing blogs about everything, but how they pertain to or impact us as a disabled couple.  As a side note-or, maybe, it’s the point-whenever Jason and I go to big events, like tattoo conventions, concerts, even out to eat, not only are we the only wheelchair bound pair, but we’ll look around and mmaayybbe find two more individuals scattered around.  Our mission is to unite all people-abled or disabled-through our experiences.  We love when people ask about our disabilities, however, we’ve realized, from some questions, people have no idea what cerebral palsy is or the many types of cp, or about spina bifida, or artificial shunts, or anything.  Yeah, we need more physical help than you might need, but, really, everybody needs help with something.

In 2019, we started sharing our experiences with youtube, yay.

But anyway, this concert was about three weeks before we took to youtube, but we told Christopher about TFB, and he asked if they could help in any way.  Cool.

Of course, eventually, we had to say bye.  That was the best concert of my life!

I need to add this, because this is crazy phenomenal.  I joined a group on fb for ultimate SW/TD fans in Aug 2019.  Yes, we sure are, btw.  I’ve made many friends.  In Oct, a friend and I chatted about this past concert.  I’d seen on fb she went, though she lives in NY, but, of course, we didn’t know each other yet to hang out together.  I asked if she’d seen me at some point.  One thing led to another, and she shared a pic she coincidentally took.  That picture is such a beautiful gift and made me so happy, you have no idea-it is Christopher, lying on the stage, talking with J and me and holding our TFB shirt.  She said Chris’ desire to connect, on a personal level, with somebody was very touching, and that’s why she snapped the shot.  I totally agree!

What else can I say?  I’m still overwhelmed with joy and, I don’t even have the correct words, thinking about all this.  I hope I can add more SW amazingness to this.

Always on my mind and in my heart.

If nothing comes, write about writing

Good afternoon. I hope all is well. So, as I mentioned in the post before this, I had a job-volunteer blogger, but still. However, I only had the chance to get one blog posted before junk went down. I was ready with this blog, upset it wouldn’t be posted, so, I’m glad I still have this chance. I’m proud of it:

If nothing comes, write about writing

Hey guys. I hope everyone is well. So, I mentioned in my first blog that I’m a writer. I’ve been at it since I was 10. I can’t say everything I wrote was good, but, maybe, it was for a ten-year old. Although, I-as well as most writers-sometimes get tripped up, stuck. I have loads of ideas, but getting them out of my head and through my finger can be a different story. Pardon the pun, haha.

So, I’m thinking, What should I write about this turn? But, maybe, I’ll write about writing. Have you ever written a poem, then looked at it later and thought it’d make a kick-ass song? Sometimes I dabble in poetry, and, for me, it’s always personal, emotional, real. I got to thinking one day; most bands, genres, sing about what they know, of course, because they’re able to relay it from brain to paper to mic. And true fans completely get it. However, when I listen to Punk, the artists take it to a new level.

“Early in the morning, risin' to the street. Light me up that cigarette, and I'll strap shoes on my feet. Got to find the reason, reason things went wrong. Got to find a reason why my money's all gone. I got a Dalmatian, and I can still get high. I can play the guitar like a motherfuckin' riot,” sang Bradley Nowell, late lead vocalist of Sublime. I feel, listening to “What I Got,” that was exactly what Bradley did that morning; what he thought. He literally wrote a song about life-his life.

Tim Armstrong of Rancid, among other bands, heartbreakingly sings, “Medication, met you in authentication, it's a hazardness, valley of deception. Now, I walk alone, but it was not my intention, not my invention. And now my heart's been ripped wide open!” in “Tropical London” about his unexpected divorce. Every time I hear that song, I feel his heart and soul, torn, devastated. I wrote in an IG post that songs like this, so true, so sad; but the sadder thing is the reasons these lyrics came about in the first place. Or, on a happier note, take “The 11th Hour,” by Rancid. Well, damn, I was going to quote an entire verse, but they’re pretty long. “I was almost over, and my world was almost gone. And in a sudden rush, I could almost touch the things that I'd done wrong,” Tim confesses his confusion, angst, reasons for being fed up. However, then, he powerfully sings, “Do you know where the power lies, and who pulls the strings? Do you know where the power lies? It starts and ends with you.” That positive message stuck with me for decades.

Similar to Rancid’s message of inner strength, but in his own, bold, in-your-face style, Hardcore Punk, lead vocalist of Deskomunal Kaos, Bubu Deskomunal sings, “Cuando este deprimido no olvides que el mundo es tuyo. Sigue adelante sin parar, con el amor y escuchando punk, y manda todo a la mierda” (when you're depressed don't forget that the world is yours, keep going without stopping, with love and listening to punk, and send everything (else) to hell), in “Punx Unite.” There are thousands of punk songs; and they fearlessly sing about change, being fed up with the system. Heartbreak, war, inequality, racism, the list goes on and on.

Whether you love or hate it, the openness, the honesty, the energy, the passion to tell their stories in attempts to educate and change what is wrong in the world, is one of the reasons why I love and gravitate to Punk. And I have hope that my crazy stories are gonna find their true audience, too.

I've resurfaced...kind of

Hi. Here is a blog I wrote for another site, but I'll no longer be writing for them. It's an intro, but it's just as well-I probably need to reintroduce myself to you, since I haven't been on here in four years: Hey, guys.

Don’t take offense to my saying “guys,” please; I’m from New York. My name is Joey Danielle. When I was a kid, I hated my name, Joey. Everybody, before seeing me, already pictured a boy, so they were almost always shocked to find out otherwise. Ugh. It didn’t help, either, that, once I turned 8, my parents chopped off my hair, and I wore it super short for a decade. I acquired my middle name in my twenties-fun story, but a later story.

I am 43 years old. Lucky enough to be mistaken for early thirties, I’m often told. But, growing up in the 80s and 90s was tough. Now, if I was a boy, I might not have just said that, but, ladies, you know, especially with music, people never expected us to like Metal, Rap, Punk. I am number 2 of 5 children in my immediate family and the quietest one. My older brother-best brother, by the way-however, didn’t accept that I was nothing but a “girl.” He taught me how to play Dungeons & Dragons so he’d have somebody to play with, I wore his hand-me-down T-shirts, I listened to Pink Floyd, Rush, everything he did, on records, no doubt. Watched Star Wars over and over, haha, and we played Atari and, later, Sega.

I am a writer and published author, so writing and music are my main outlets. My life is full of stories, good, bad, weird, unbelievable, all kinds; I hope to share, even the many, traumatizing ones. However, music has pulled me out of some pretty, dark places. I like most genres, love some, dislike some, but music is often playing in my house.

I forgot when I was introduced to Punk, but, probably, nobody would have guessed that’s one of my favorites. I want to think, though, Ramones was the first punk band I heard. Incidentally, “I Wanna be Sedated” came out the year I was born. And I was so excited to learn the lead singer’s name, Joey. It isn’t really, but, anyway. Yes, I’m super goofy; if I meet somebody named Joey, I’m like, “Hey, Joey. I’m Joey.” I get the biggest kick out of that, for some reason, haha. I never met Joey Ramone, but I saw Ramones and Rancid play Lollapalooza ’96, one of Ramones last tours ever. I was freaking out, though; Lars Frederiksen walked right past me before Rancid played their set. My mom-yes, one of the few, cool things I remember my mom doing-took me. My older brother, Tony, went, too. Mom said, “Wow, that guy has a pink Mohawk.”

I shrieked, “Mom, that’s Lars from Rancid!” But did I run after him? No, and I’m still kicking myself. Although, maybe, he would have been upset when I asked if he’d grab Tim Armstrong for me, haha. My first concert, I was 17; I hope to gush more to you about it, as well as other bands I love, and so much more.

Hey guys. Please know that my husband and I have started a new site: www.twofeetbelow.com Please check us out :)